ACT ONE
Scene One

THE WINGS AND STAGE OF A BROADWAY THEATER, the wings in the foreground, the stage in the background. Onstage, a show is in progress. In the wings, STAGEHANDS are working the lights, calling cues, etc. As the curtain rises, TESS, the Dance Director, is drilling four SHOW GIRLS in a short routine.

TESS

(over the music) Shoulders back! Heads high! One last time!
(As soon as the SHOW GIRLS leave the wings and parade onto the stage, TESS looks around to see if Bobby has arrived. She looks at her watch with concern, then calls to PATSY, a very dumb Show Girl with a high, squeaky voice.)

TESS

Patsy! Where's Bobby?! He should have been here two hours ago!

PATSY

I know! I saw him yesterday, and he was all excited about the audition for Mr. Zangler.

TESS

(looking off)

Wait! There he is!

(BOBBY CHILD, dressed as a banker, hurries on, into the wings, pulling off his overcoat.)

PATSY

Bobby!

BOBBY

Did I make it?! Is Zangler still here?!

PATSY

Yeah, ya still got five minutes.

BOBBY

Great!

TESS

Bobby, what happened?!

BOBBY

They kept me late at the bank. But I've got my tap shoes on! This time Zangler's going to be dazzled. He's going to hire me on the spot!

(At this point, the number "onstage" is over, and BELA ZANGLER enters the wings. This great impresario is an imposing, dapper man with a moustache, beard and Hungarian accent. BOBBY sees him -)

BOBBY

Mr. Zangler! (but TESS and PATSY stop BOBBY from bothering ZANGLER just yet. A trumpet fanfare, the STAGE MANAGER takes ZANGLER's cigar, and ZANGLER sweeps onstage to make his curtain speech. ZANGLER raises his arms, and the "applause" dies down.)

ZANGLER

Ladies and gentlemen. Vell vell vell. My name is Bela Zangler.

(applause) Thank you for coming to Zangler Follies --our final performance of the season, and I hope you vill all be here in just eight veeks for vonderful new show!

(Wild applause as ZANGLER leaves the stage and the company bows begin. As soon as ZANGLER gets to the wings, BOBBY tries again.)

ZANGLER

Tessie!

BOBBY

Mr. Zangler, could I see you a min

ZANGLER

I must talk now to dance director about very important professional matter!

BOBBY

Right.

(BOBBY moves away, and ZANGLER pulls TESS aside.)

ZANGLER (business-like)

Tessie.

TESS

Yes, Mr. Zangler?

(ZANGLER makes sure they're not overheard; then says with passion:)

ZANGLER

Tessie, I love you.

TESS

Bela -!

ZANGLER

Vhat do you say ve have intimate supper?

TESS

I'm not hungry.

ZANGLER

Tessie, please! You make me crazy!

TESS

And how is Mrs. Zangler?

ZANGLER

I am sorry to say, she is in excellent health.

(TESS walks away.)

ZANGLER

Tessie!

(By this time, the FOLLIES GIRLS are leaving the stage in a line, past ZANGLER.)

MITZI

Vacation!

FOLLIES GIRLS

Good-night, Mr. Zangler. Good-night, Mr. Zangler. Good-night, Mr. Zangler.

(And at the end of the line is BOBBY:)

BOBBY

Hi, Mr. Zangler.

ZANGLER

Not you again.

BOBBY

I'm here to audition.

ZANGLER

Not now!

(ZANGLER starts to leave. By this time, BOBBY and ZANGLER are alone onstage.)

BOBBY

Mr. Zangler! You don't understand. When I go to your office, they throw me out.

ZANGLER

Good. I give them a raise.

BOBBY

Would you wait a second!

ZANGLER

Mr. Child. Vhy are you vasting my time?!

BOBBY

(indicating the theater around him) Because this is my life! It's all I care about!

(Bobby's conviction makes even Zangler pause) Now look, you're going to love this. I promise. Just ¬just -okay. Okay?

ZANGLER

... Okay.

BOBBY

Would you hold this? Thanks. (he hands Zangler his coat and hat) Here goes.

(BOBBY takes a breath --then launches into his audition, dancing as he sings:)

BOBBY LET ME GIVE YOU THE LOW DOWN: I'M K-RAZY FOR YOU. WHEN IT COMES TO A SHOW DOWN ¬I'M K-RAZY FOR YOU. AND SO THOUGH LOVE MAY NOT INSPIRE MY LINGO, STILL IT'S MAKING MY HEART GO BANGO! BINGO! LET ME GIVE YOU THE LOW DOWN: I'M K-RAZY FOR

Hold on for the big finish!

ZANGLER (bored and annoyed)

I'm holding, I'm holding.

(BOBBY does an elaborate tap routine. Half way through it, Zangler pointedly looks at his watch. BOBBY finishes the routine with a slam, literally nose-to¬nose with Zangler.)

BOBBY

Now what do you say to that?!

ZANGLER

Foot

BOBBY

Huh?

ZANGLER

Foot ... You are standing on my foot!

BOBBY

Oh, sorry ...

ZANGLER

You are a moron! (he starts to exit)

BOBBY

Mr. Zangler! ... Look, I-I-I realize I'm an unknown, here in New York. But I have potential!

ZANGLER

Ya. You could be unknown all over America! (ZANGLER strides off, and BOBBY runs after him.)